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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24095206">a craigslist love story</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilovemygaydad/pseuds/ilovemygaydad'>ilovemygaydad</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, human!AU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:07:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,075</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24095206</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilovemygaydad/pseuds/ilovemygaydad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>summary: patton needs a fake date to his brother’s wedding, so he enlists the help of a stranger</p>
<p>warnings: SPOILERS!!!, snake mention, kissing, homophobic parents, remus mention, and possibly something else</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Deceit Sanders/Patton Sanders, Moceit, janus sanders/patton sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>128</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a craigslist love story</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Patton Sanders wasn’t one to lie. Like, at all. However, some situations just called for it. One such situation was his brother’s wedding, where he knew that his homophobic parents were going to ask where his date was since apparently all gay people had to prove their gayness.</p>
<p>Naturally, Patton asked all of his friends that his parents didn’t know to be his date to the wedding, but none of them were willing to help him out on this one. So he turned to craigslist to find a date.</p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Fake Date Needed For Wedding (18+)</p>
  <p>Hi! My name is Patton (21), and I’m looking for a male date to my brother’s wedding on May 28. If you are willing to come, I will pay you $20, and there will be free food! Please email me if interested!</p>
</blockquote><p>Patton waited... and waited... and <em>waited</em>. Until it was only a week before the wedding, and he <em>still</em> didn’t have anyone willing to go. He was about to give up and delete his post when his inbox pinged, and a new email showed up.</p>

<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>From: Janus Thompson (j.thompson72@gmail.com)</p>
  <p>Subject: Fake Date</p>
  <p>Dear Patton,</p>
  <p>My name is Janus. I am also twenty-one years old, and wanted to help you with your date. I can only assume that you are desperate since you went to craigslist of all places to find a fake date, and I would hate for you to have to go to the wedding alone. I would be free to talk on May 25 if you would like to get to know each other.</p>
  <p>- Janus Thompson</p>
</blockquote><p>A grateful squeal rose up in Patton’s throat as he read through the message, glad that he wouldn’t have to endure his parent’s disapproving glances alone. He wrote back a short email confirming the time and location of the meet-up. After he was done, he went about his day like he normally would but with a little more pep in his step.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Patton stepped into his local Starbucks at two o’clock dull, ready to find his fake date. The shop was rather packed, which was a bit surprising, but he supposed that people needed to get their coffee fix from somewhere. He ordered his usual drink and looked around the coffee shop for anyone sitting alone. After about a minute of searching, he locked eyes with a very handsome man with large vitiligo marks on his face. The man smiled and waved him over, so Patton went.</p>
<p>“You must be Patton,” the man said in a honey-smooth voice. “I’m Janus.”</p>
<p>“How did you know it was me?” Patton asked incredulously. </p>
<p>Janus smiled. “You were the only one who came in around two. I figured it was you.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Patton sat down, placing his drink on the table. “Where would you like to begin?”</p>
<p>“Let’s talk about you.”</p>
<p>“Okay, well, I’m an interior design major, and I have an older brother named Wesley. My parents’ names are Erica and Todd, and they are... <em>massively</em> against me being gay. They’re both lawyers, as is Wes. Um, I also have a dog named River who is a schnoodle.”</p>
<p>Janus nodded and said, “Alright. I’m a pre-vet major, and I have three younger brothers: Remus, Roman, and Virgil. Remus and Roman are twins, and they’re the biggest pains in the ass ever, and Virgil is only ten. My dad’s name is Michael... He’s an accountant at some really important business, so I mostly take care of my brothers. I have three snakes named Spooky, Noodle, Death Ramen, all courtesy of my brothers.”</p>
<p>“Your brothers sound like quite the characters,” laughed Patton.</p>
<p>Janus snorted in agreement. “Yeah, they’re all very different people. Roman is very loud and eccentric in a theatre gay sort of way, Remus is like the human embodiment of a horror movie, and Virgil is a baby emo. I love them all, but... Damn, are they weird.”</p>
<p>“My family is, like, so white suburban that it’s almost offensive. They’re the most boring people I’ve met, but I’m still somewhat financially depended on them, so I can’t cut myself off.”</p>
<p>“Ah.” Janus said. “That sucks.”</p>
<p>“Yep. So, about your snakes!”</p>
<hr/>
<p>The date had been going so well. They’d arrived just in time for the ceremony and gotten a seat in the far back so that they didn’t have to interact with anyone else, and they’d made it through dinner with only a minimal amount of small-talk from other guests. </p>
<p>And then the reception started. And everything went to shit.</p>
<p>Patton’s parents had practically made a bee-line right to him and Janus as soon as the first dance had finished, forcing the two to socialize with them.</p>
<p>“Patton,” greeted his mother, “Who is this?”</p>
<p>“Mom, this is my boyfriend, Janus!”</p>
<p>“Janus. What an... interesting name.”</p>
<p>Janus smiled as genuinely as possible in the situation. “Thank you, I was named after the Roman god, Janus.”</p>
<p>“That’s fascinating, young man. Say, where did your parents come up with that?” Patton’s father asked in faux interest.</p>
<p>“My mom was an anthropologist who had a fascination for ancient Rome, so all of her kids’ names were Roman-themed.”</p>
<p>Patton nodded with a smile. “Janus’ brothers are Roman, Remus, and Virgil. Isn’t that neat?”</p>
<p>“Indeed.” Mrs. Sanders said plainly. “Now, I’ve noticed that the two of you haven’t been very touchy-feely today. Are you going through a rough spot?”</p>
<p>“Mom!”</p>
<p>“Mrs. Sanders, I can assure you that Patton and I are very much in love. We don’t see the need for excessive PDA, and would rather not be performative at a place where the spotlight isn’t on us. Right, dear?”</p>
<p>“Absolutely,” Patton agreed quickly.</p>
<p>“I just thought that since you were in a relationship, you’d be all over each other.”</p>
<p>Janus slapped a sickeningly sweet grin on his face and turned to Patton. “Well, since you asked so nicely...”</p>
<p>Suddenly, Patton was kissing Janus. He tasted like chocolate, which was probably from the cake, and the smell of cologne was almost overpowering in Patton’s nose. In that moment, he realized that he would very much like to continue kissing Janus the second that the wedding ended.</p>
<p>After a few seconds, they separated and were met with the surprised looks on Patton’s parents’ faces.</p>
<p>“Good day, Mr. and Mrs. Sanders,” Janus said as he dragged the speechless Patton out of the venue.</p>
<p>“Can we keep doing that?” Patton asked as soon as they were in the car.</p>
<p>“Oh, definitely.”</p>
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